Internship and graduate soon

So long time didn't come to update my blog, even just now I want to log in also forget the password already . hehe~~ officially end of my uni study life... There is no more second time to go back again I swear ! I hate of my uni life because at there I didn't feel that is my world. I try to get close with it within this 3 years, but too bad everything not going smoothly. On the 2nd of July 2012, I was starting my internship at PERKESO Kuching . So far be here so good, every staff at here so nice and so friendly. And soon I' gonna graduate, so happy and I hope everything can just go through and smoothly. So far nothing much can do I just hope I can get the job what I apply in the SPA. I really hope to can get it due to some personal reason and also at the same time I don't want to be one of the unemployed. One of the SOCSO staff ask me study better or working better? My answer is work. For me study is only can improving my knowledge of millions books. But work can improving my hard and soft skills at the same time. Beside that I feel more freedom when back to my own world. And I can tell everyone THIS IS MY WORLD ! My life I decide it for my own self. No more assignments and fucking study stress for me. I will like to build a great relationship with each others of the world people. I still remember what my industry supervisor told me that everyone also can get the cert of academic. A cert only cost RM2.10 ++ however a intelligent person when try understand the meaning behide of the RM2.10++ cert  and try to earn more than that. That what he call a success person. However a dean list students keep on upgrade his  or her academic level until PHD also useless if he or she in the career job maintaining without any increasing he or she is a looser. There is a lot dean list and good result fresh graduate students, but how many of them can really understand about the real life?

Some time I feel not confident about my study and that why I can't score well in my academic. However when I realize that a lot of thing that I know to manage and those dean list students also can't do it I think I pandai de. People are not perfect however I feel that there is a lot of thing I'm better than them as long as I confident of my own self for the thing I like !


When it is pass just let it pass, keep it and recall back just only can cause us hurt more. Erase it and forget it, more forwards and there is another new life that God already ready for me. Go through !!!!!

快不快乐与悲不悲伤

情绪是自己控制，当超越自己的控制范围内人就会发神经， 神经失控， 心里就会不平衡。而我就是已经心里不平衡的那一位了。 我想不透我到底在哭什么?对着墙壁也可以哭。 也许是压力把我压得喘不过气来。 我很想发泄，但是就是找不到发泄的管道。很多事情都被约束。 想做却做不了， 想放弃却不能够。 我就像站在十字路口，迷失方向，找不回适当的路。 压力逼得我快要想不开。耽误不会不至于有自杀倾向那么笨。 我无时无刻都在想，为什么我不能拥有自己的路。 为什么周围的人都想把我逼上这条不想走的路。 绝情快要把我变的压缩到比蚂蚁还小。 我不想被人左右，我更不想被人指点。 我是不是个很无趣的女人？ 是的！我不断地寻找可以倾诉的对象。可惜在这有限的范围内我找不到。 我很想回家，因为只有家才是最好的依靠。 大学的生涯不是我想象中那么的快乐。 即使毕业了过后我还是不认为我的大学过得很好。 外表很光彩，但是内心却是很无助。 别人都认为我很坚强，但其实我很想有个依靠的肩膀。只是我在这里找不到可以依靠的肩膀所以我才会靠自己。 偶尔我也会气自己为什么那么容易就心软。我很想拥有铁石心肠。 不懂也不明白，我只想逃避责任，但我不可以那么任性。 我只觉得再这样矛盾我的人生迟早我回神经病。

圣诞节

这一夜的圣诞节我过得不快乐。半夜去打篮球，然后又在食堂发泄大笑。可是这一切我都自己都在装出来的。 我并不快乐。 大笑过后我以为自己会过得更好， 但是原来是不行的。 一切都是假象。 我知道我自己很空虚。 我非常地伤心。 我很想发泄我自己的心情。 这一夜半夜我回到了宿舍，冲个凉后吹干了头发， 坐在电脑面前发呆了几分钟后，情绪又来了。突然间毫不控制得大哭一场。我很想放声大哭。 但是我不能。这里没有一个地方可以让我尽情地发泄。 我想大哭很久很久很久。 写着写着，我又落泪了。我到底发生了什么，我自己知道。我只能说我不甘寂寞！

我不想比烂

以前我是个非常爱读书的人， 只会想要赢不会输的人，至少也想要拿全班十名以内的人。最高纪录就是高中四年拿了全班第2名。 学业也可以说不错的。 小时候幼稚园拿了第8名，一年级拿了8名， 四年级拿了4名，至于五和六年级都会拿第6和第8 名。 进了初中一年，在班上也拿了第8名，初中二年和3都保持水准。但是到了高中五年，突然间我的学业一落千丈掉了13名只拿了第14名。老实说名次对我来说真的很重要在那些年。 上了高中六都是拿了十多名。在那个时候的我名次突然变得很平凡。一切就觉得没必要。 但是在心里还是会有些不满。 不懂。原因不是身边的同学进步，而是自己不肯上进却把自己搞成了这个地步。

考了个高级文凭成绩都是满烂的但是还是进的了大学。 考上了大学，第一年本来还想改变自信， 就在第一学期的成绩也跟高中六时候考的高级文凭没两样。在第二学期，成绩终于往上了许多，还可以拿来见人。 但是进入了大学第二年每天都搞忧郁，结果成绩比第一年考的还烂！心里真的只会想：“哎哟， 反正只想拿个文凭到老的时候还可以拿来抹屁股”但是看到成绩出来的那一刻还真的有恍然大悟。父母请每次问成绩如何，我就会说过关了，还可以继续读下去。 虽然是真的可以读下去， 但以将的成绩再创高峰真的有难度。 所以在这大学最后一年，我真的不可以再随便下去， 我不想比烂。 我不想我的大学的学费是白费还的。 也不想辜负家人的期望。 所以我想对自己说不管别人再怎么看你，最重要的是自己要看得起自己。女儿也可以承担起整个家庭的生活费。我不想要这么懒惰，忧郁，发神经下去了。 够了！这一切都在浪费时间！ 我真的不想再这样下去，不管有多么的压力或血压有多么的高。 统统都不管了。 把成绩就挣回来才是最重要~我更相信老师与老母都在一直鼓励与支持我。 有相信就有概念，有概念就有启发，有启发就有动力，有动力就能改变。我相信我可以扭转乾坤这一切。

永远的疤痕

29/10/2011 这一日，我是永远都无法忘记的一天。因这一天我的左手被沸腾中的热汤给烫伤了。 当水沸腾的高度高达100度以上再加上盐和油温度自然而然就会飙升到120度以上。我无法想象这刚起锅的热汤被倒撒在我的左手上。那一瞬间的疼痛真的很痛很痛很痛。平时稍微的被热水渐到就快要飙泪了。但是这一次，我既然哭不出来，因为哭不能疗治我的伤痕。

原本我打算将整个饭锅带到食堂去享受，可是没想到，我的粗心造成了大意。这么的一扛起来，锅盖的关口不稳定自己自动打开倒撒在我半只左手上。幸好我有戴上手表，要不然我无法想像我的脉搏被烫伤的样子。第一时间被烫伤的我立刻放好那锅汤脱了手表用清水冲洗了半个钟头手上的油渍，然后又涂上了牙膏。哇！真的又疼又辣！忍了一个小时，我无法再忍耐了。决定去医院治疗。好在有一班朋友送我去医院就医，要我指望某些人，到时候我的手就不堪设想咯！ 去到医院，第一时间我并没有看到任何医护人员，也许他们太忙吧。过了差不多10-15分钟，医护人员才帮我登记然后立刻被叫去洗伤口。第二次当护士小姐帮我洗伤口时，我更加地感觉到疼痛！因为我的手开始起那些大大小小水疱了。 过后护士小姐帮我手上抹上了厚厚一层的烫伤药膏。敷完了药，我还得要去看医生。当医生看到我时，问我发生了什么事。我说我的手在享受在沸腾中的汤给烫伤了。医生也摇头对着说OH MY GOD. 二话不说，带我见第二位医生。

我这一生人最避忌也是最讨厌就是打针！这头才跟护士说好不要打针，另一头医生就吩咐护士为我打针。左手已经够疼了，还要来多一枝打下去疼死人止痛针还是消炎针在右手臂上 。我的天啊！这是雪上加霜，痛上加痛。护士小姐还对我说：“focus here focus here (意思就是叫我转移目标在我的左手上的疼痛),see tak sakit kan. (memang la, 才扎进去不疼吗！)my skill very good one” 哪里知道当她一按捺针筒里的药水进去我的手臂时！OMG！很痛的咯！

敷了药，打完针，诊断了，给了药，开了单（MC 3天）,等回家。 就这样，回到宿舍一呆就呆在宿舍4到5天。快要把我给闷死了啦！在这段休养期间，第二天既然发烧了！感谢有一班学妹来探望我，煲了石蜂糖给我降热。他们也买了一对手袜给我好让我去上课可以掩饰疤痕和污染。又发烧，又没胃口，吃了又吐，有吃等于没吃。无意中吃到了虾米还跟我染上敏感症。痒到我半命！嗨~无奈啊！

现在过了3个礼拜的我，依然还需要戒口。这个不能吃那个不能吃，很无奈啊！上个星期四，我收到了我的同事兼好友远从家乡寄了一罐润肤剂给我。感谢感恩啊！但愿，我的手能早日康复。但是现在，我每日见到这支左手，心里老实说很伤心。毕竟我愧于我的父母让他们为我担心每日3 4 通电话来问候。惭愧得我没把自己给照顾好。身体发肤，受之父母，不敢毁伤，孝之始也。对不起我的父母。就连这放假一个礼拜多我也不敢回去见我的父母。心里再怎么想念家人都不敢让他们见到我这只手。宁愿在宿舍呆一个礼拜多。现在我希望趁我还没回家这两个月半可以把手给照顾好。 希望他们看到时应该都好了吧~但愿如此。 但是手上一些的疤痕都变得粗糙厚皮了。看了都心疼。很想哭咯。毕竟我也是个女生，那个女生不爱惜自己的皮肤的。也不像看到自己将。我怨不得人，我只能说自己够倒霉。愿霉运已过。好运自然跟着来咯~但愿吧！希望吧！

3 months and 2 weeks working period

Me and my colleagues picture ^^

At the end, I'm finally finish my 3 months and 2 weeks job.
During this period of times, sincerely I have to say that I was learning a lot of experience and knowledge that I can't learn from my uni. Working is actually an enjoy process. Guest what, I feel like so happy and lucky to know more new friends during on work.

Supports I was end of my job on 31 August 2011. But the shop was not enough staffs and I has been ask for delay my resign. So, I just continues work again until the 2 September. And again I have to delay again my resign date until Sunday 4th of September. This is because got one customer laptop I have to help she set up and do the backup recovery. Actually I should asking my colleagues to help me settle for it. I have to estimate that I shouldn't start the backup recovery on the night time. So end up I have keep it until the next day come to PC shop working again.

To be honestly, I feel very great that I come to work at here. There are a lot of mistake and troublesome that I has do during this period. And I also learn a lot of humanity, human personality and respected. I very thank to my colleagues and apologize to them also.

Everything is just a learning process. People should keep on find a chance to improving themselves. Don't be afraid because of failed and pain. Because no pain will be no gain.

sigh

Damn sigh, what should i do ?

I feel so complicated now.
Izit all is my fault ?
on 6/7/11 that was a black Wednesday
Fucking asshole that thief ! You are coming to disturb my bullshit feeling !
How dare you are.
Fuck you !

damn angry, sad and down deep deep in the hell men
Some time I feel that I need to keep it all my sadness and tier in my mind.
I can't say out.

OMG.................T.T

I know that if for others people face such problem like this will feel so sad and innocent .
But I'm the one feel more suffer! Who can read my mind ? Who can know all my feeling! And who will care of me ! No one!
What should I do after that ?
I know I can't stop others people what their think of it.
But for me sincerely to say that I'm very mind of it. Sigh..........what a bad luck of that day.