Sincerely I really cannot stand for it anymore. I keep in my heart already 2 year. I really cannot keep it forever. There no someone else at here can let me told them my own suffer feeling.
What I mean here is I cannot bear for my university life already.
Sometimes I feel that people are foolish me and I feel hurt of it.
Sometimes when together doing something else, I'm the person who always ask for going to do that la this la. Even though I leader in the group also like that. Why seem like my group members are more like my leader more than me is the head of the group? It's nice for them to do such thing on me? I don't know. It's me look like a maid? sigh~ I really speechless of my university life. I can feel that i'm coming to uni is not for study but to be a maid or "kuli" at here. 2 year already, I really angry, disappointed, deeply sad, and peace off of it. Every time calling to my family say that I wanna back, cry in the phone, and ask them send me back. My family they never saw me do and say such thing to them. Why!!!!!!! I don't want to keep in my heart anymore. The more I keep it longer, the more I feel suffer and painful. I don't want every time when I feel sad I just only know posting my complain in Facebook anymore. I also don't want to find some place with no people and cry at there anymore. This life are killing my physical and mental a lot. Who can understand my feeling now? Actually I don't like to see people shit face to doing something. In order like that I prefer settle the thing by my own self. I also couldn't understand why some people can take others people benefit from others people works? It's fair enough for me? I always keep silent of this such case in so many time ago. Until now I still can listen from the others told me that :" hei! that thing not you do de mei ? why he/she can take it from you?". Who can told me what should I do ? Some time I keep silent just because I do not like others people say me too show off. But it doesn't mean that I'm not the admin. A lot of thing I would like to keep silent. I have my own privacy! I have my own choice to do it also. Sometime I too care your guys feeling, but who will care of my feeling. I'm not super women. Not everything I can manage. I also need someone can really care of my feeling. Sincerely I really don't like people to call me "ah ma" in this campus. In some part, they are too expect I can help them do it. Ya, I can help, but not always. So, for now I must learn to reject the request. Not matter how, from now I just wanna think for my own self more than others people. I wanna learn to be selfish. I don't want to be too kind of it. Because I'm not a god!
